dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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