Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
