Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So here I am, sexting at work.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
