you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
