whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
