You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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