He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
