I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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