Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
