I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
