i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The air was thick with penises
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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