If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish I only lived at night.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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