mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
