I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
splinters make it hard to masturbate
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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