She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
