all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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