so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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