I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
