Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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