Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
