wakey wakey hands off snakey
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
