So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
