oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
