she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
