I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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