Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
