All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
