Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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