i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
