You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
