Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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