End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
