I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
