there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
