You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
