She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
