1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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