trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
