I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
