well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
