Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
