I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
