i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
