just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
