Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
