someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
