We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
3 2 1 whiskey
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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