Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
