hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Houston, we have a blender
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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