I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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