I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
