Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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