I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
