I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
