i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
