3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
