So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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