There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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