Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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