Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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